Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A: Ask your mom.
Q: What is the quickest way to clear out a men's restroom?
A: Say, "Nice dick."
Q: How do you know you're leading a sad life?
A: When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Let's just be friends."
Q: What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus and a yeast infection?
A: An itchy, twitchy twat.
Q: Are birth control pills deductible?
A: Only if they don't work.
Q: What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
A: If we don't get some support soon, people are going to think we're nuts.
Q: Why don't bunnies make noise when they make love?
A: Because they have cotton balls.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Owl and a Rooster?
A: A **** that stays up all night.
Q: Mom's have Mother's Day, Father's have Father's Day. What do single guys have?
A: Palm Sunday
Q: Why is being in the military like a *******?
A: The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
Q: What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
A: A bingo machine.
Q: What is the leading cause of death with lesbians?
A: Hair balls
Q: How do you know if a blonde has been sending e-mail?
A: You see a bunch of envelopes stuffed into the disk drive
Q: What can Life Savers do that men cannot?
A: Come in five flavours
Q: What is good on pizza but bad on *****?
A: Crust
Q: Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey?
A: Because Kermit likes sweet and sour pork
Q: How do you piss off Winnie The Pooh?
A: By sticking your finger in his honey
Q: What does pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?
A: Both can smell it... but they can't eat it
Q: What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.
Q: What's the speed limit of sex?
A: 68; at 69 you have to turn around.
Q: Why is air a lot like sex?
A: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
Q: Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants?
A: He heard the snow blower coming.
Q: Why are Monica Lewinsky's cheeks so puffy?
A: She's withholding evidence
Q: Why is sex like a bridge game?
A: You don't need a partner if you have a good hand.
Q: What does a dog do that a boy steps into?
A: A lump of ****. no wait.. pants.
Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?
A: Dress her up as an altar boy
Q: What do you call an amish farmer with his arm halfway up his horses ***?
A: A mechanic
Q: Why did the elephant paint his balls red?
A: So he could hide in the cherry tree.
Q: What is the loudest noise in the jungle?
A: A giraffe eating cherries.
Q: Why does santa have such a big sack?
A: Cos he only comes once a year.
Q: How do you define a "tough girl"
A: She kickstarts her own vibrator, or she rolls her own tampons
Q: What do you get if you cross a nun with a computer?
A: A system that won't go down.
Funny one-liners? LMAO.. i found the first one extremly funny...
Funny one-liners? funny. ha.ha. no just kidding, yeah the saggy boobs one was funny to me
Funny one-liners? Looks like the answers are all filled in for us! Thanks for the points!
Funny one-liners? LOL
Funny one-liners? Not bad for someone w/ a really weird, yet interesting, sense of humor. Lol, i was 2 lazy 2 read them all.
Funny one-liners? who is the most popular male at the nudist colony
-the one that can show up to breakfast carrying two pots of coffee and a dozen doughnuts
who is the most popular female at a nudist colony
-the one that can eat the twelf doughnut
Funny one-liners? lmao!! they are soo funny!! i love them!
Funny one-liners? some of these are really cute...thanks for making me laugh!
Funny one-liners? LOL - frankly speaking i did not read all but had a random glance and found those r of funny
Funny one-liners? Why did the dyslexic existentialist have insomnia?
He stayed up all night wondering if Dog exists.
Funny one-liners? Whats the question?
Funny one-liners? ha ha ha, i've got one!
what's green, slimy, and smells like pork?
kermit's finger
鈾?br>Funny one-liners?
Ha ha, those are all funny!!
I like larylz's jokes too. Those are funny!!
Funny one-liners? whatever creep.
Funny one-liners? LOL :)
Funny one-liners? lmao my fav Q: What does pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?
A: Both can smell it... but they can't eat it
Funny one-liners? Haaaaaaaaaaa! LMAO.....lol--Those were hilarious!!!!--He He! Seriously, I just had a good laugh.........Thank you! I needed that!
Funny one-liners? Sounds like someone has a one track mind- and doesn't know any funny jokes. I'm sorry, but these weren't good enough to even raise a smile.
Funny one-liners? 100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
A day without sunshine is like, night.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
All generalizations are false, including this one.
All men are idiots, and I married their King.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Always try to be modest and be proud of it!
Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.
Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
Assassins do it from behind.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
Beer: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks
Borrow money from a pessimist, they don't expect it back.
Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!
C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Chocolate: the OTHER major food group.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!
Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your ***?
Criminal Lawyer is a redundancy.
Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?
Death is hereditary.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
Did anyone see my lost carrier?
Diplomacy is the art of saying good doggie while looking for a bigger stick.
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone.
Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.
Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
Double your drive space. Delete Windows!
Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Energizer Bunny arrested and charged with battery.
Error, no keyboard. Press F1 to continue.
Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.
Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
Friends may come and go, but enemies tend to accumulate.
Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.
Genius does what it must, talent does what it can, and you had best do what you're told.
Get a new car for your spouse; it'll be a great trade!
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
Good judgment comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Honk if you want to see my finger.
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
How does Teflon stick to the pan?
How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?
I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
I used to have a handle on life, and then it broke.
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
I won't rise to the occasion, but I'll slide over to it.
I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.
I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!
I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
If you get to it and you can't do it, well there you jolly well are, aren't you.
If you haven't much education you must use your brain.
If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it.
If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.
Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
Join the Army, meet interesting people, and kill them.
Keep honking. I'm reloading.
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Learn from your parents' mistakes: use birth control.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
Montana: At least our cows are sane!
More hay, Trigger? No thanks, Roy, I'm stuffed!
Multitasking means screwing up several things at once.
My hockey mom can beat up your soccer mom.
My mind is like a steel trap, rusty and illegal in 37 states.
Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
Never mess up an apology with an excuse.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Oh Lord, give me patience, and GIVE IT TO ME NOW!
Okay, who put a stop payment on my reality check?
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.
Plan to be spontaneous, tomorrow.
Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
Quickly, I must hurry, for there go my people and I am their leader.
Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
Remember half the people you know are below average.
Save the whales. Collect the whole set
Save your breath. You'll need it to blow up your date!
Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any.
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
Smith %26amp; Wesson: The original point and click interface.
Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.
Some drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle.
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
Support bacteria, they're the only culture some people have.
The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Finland. Now Santa Claus is missing.
The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.
The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
The secret of the universe is @*%26amp;^^^ NO CARRIER
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.
The universe is a figment of its own imagination. There's no future in time travel.
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count %26amp; those who can't.
There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
There's too much blood in my caffeine system.
Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.
Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all of its students.
Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.
Wanted: Meaningful overnight relationship.
Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?
We were born naked, wet and hungry. Then things got worse.
Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free?
What's the speed of dark?
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.
When there's a will, I want to be in it.
When you don't know what you are doing, do it neatly.
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
Who stopped payment on my reality check?
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Why is abbreviation such a long word?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
You are depriving some poor village of its idiot.
You can do more with a kind word and a gun than with just a kind word.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you.
You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!
Your gene pool could use a little chlorine.
Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.
1. Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
2. Borrow money from a pessimist -- they don't expect it back.
3. Time is what keeps things from happening all at once.
4. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
5. I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
6. Never answer an anonymous letter.
7. It's lonely at the top; but you do eat better.
8. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
9. Always go to other people's funerals, or they won't go to yours.
10. Few women admit their age; few men act it.
11. If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made with meat?
12. No one is listening until you make a mistake.
13. Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
14. We have enough youth. How about a fountain of "Smart"?
15. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
16. Campers: Nature's way of feeding mosquitoes.
17. Always remember that you are unique; just like everyone else.
18. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
19. There are three kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't.
20. Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
21. Nuke the Whales.
22. Save a tree. Eat a beaver.
23. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
24. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
25. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
26. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
27. Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
28. Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.
29. The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
30. You can't have everything; where would you put it?
31. I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
32. Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?
Editorial: Probably the most thought-provoking one-liner is " Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway ." It's sad but true鈥攏o matter what you do, you will die. This is because you have sinned against God. Let's see if that's true: Have you ever lied (even once)? Ever stolen (anything)? Jesus said, "Whoever looks upon a woman to lust after her, has committed adultery already with her in his heart." Ever looked with lust? If you have said "Yes" to these three questions, by your own admission, you are a lying, thieving, adulterer at heart; and we've only looked at three of the Ten Commandments. How will you do on Judgment Day? Will you be innocent or guilty? You know that you will be guilty, and end up in Hell. That's not God's will. He provided a way for you to be forgiven. He sent His Son to take your punishment: "God commended His love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." Jesus then rose from the dead and defeated death. "Repent and be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit"鈥攅verlasting life. Then read the Bible daily and obey what you read. God will never let you down.
33. We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
34. Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
35. DNA: National Dyslexic Association.
36. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
37. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
38. Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.
39. DARE to keep cops off donuts.
40. Nothing is fool proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
41. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
42. Dyslexics of the world, untie!
43. God made mankind. Sin made him evil.
44. I don't find it hard to meet expenses. They're everywhere.
45. I just let my mind wander, and it didn't come back.
46. Don't steal. The government hates competition.
47. Humpty Dumpty was pushed.
48. National Atheist's Day April 1st.
49. All generalizations are false.
50. The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
51. Work is for people who don't know how to fish.
52. If you don't like the news, go out and make some.
53. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
54. IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you have got.
55. I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?
56. I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure.
57. I can handle pain until it hurts.
58. No matter where you go, you're there.
59. If everything is coming your way, then you're in the wrong lane.
60. It's been Monday all week.
61. Gravity always gets me down.
62. This statement is false.
63. Eschew obfuscation.
64. They told me I was gullible...and I believed them.
65. It's bad luck to be superstitious.
66. According to my best recollection, I don't remember.
67. The word "gullible" isn't in the dictionary.
68. Honk if you like peace and quiet.
69. The Big Bang Theory: God Spoke and BANG! it happened.
70. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
71. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
72. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
73. A day without sunshine is like, night.
74. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
75. Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!
76. Gravity- It's not just a good idea, it's the LAW!
77. Life is too complicated in the morning.
78. We are all part of the ultimate statistic鈥攖en out of ten die.
79. Nobody's perfect. I'm a Nobody.
80. Ask me about my vow of silence.
81. The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.
82. The last thing on earth you want to do will be the last thing you do.
83. Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else get your way.
84. If ignorance is bliss, then tourists are in a constant state of euphoria.
85. If at first you don't succeed, don't try skydiving.
86. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
87. Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!
88. I intend to live forever. So far so good.
89. Who is "General Failure" and why is he reading my hard disk?
90. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
91. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
92. Energizer Bunny arrested; charged with battery.
93. I didn't use to finish sentences, but now I
94. I've had amnesia as long as I can remember.
95. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
96. Vacation begins when Dad says, "I know a short cut."
97. Evolution: True science fiction.
98. What's another word for Thesaurus?
99. Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
100. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
101. I went to the fights, and a hockey game broke out.
1. Give God what's right -- not what's left.
2. Man's way leads to a hopeless end -- God's way leads to an endless hope.
3. A lot of kneeling will keep you in good standing.
4. He who kneels before God can stand before anyone.
5. In the sentence of life, the devil may be a comma--but never let him be the period.
6. Don't put a question mark where God puts a period.
7. Are you wrinkled with burden? Come to the church for a face-lift.
8. When praying, don't give God instructions - just report for duty.
9. Don't wait for six strong men to take you to church.
10. We don't change God's message -- His message changes us.
11. The church is prayer-conditioned.
12. When God ordains, He sustains.
13. WARNING: Exposure to the Son may prevent burning.
14. Plan ahead -- It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.
15. Most people want to serve God, but only in an advisory position.
16. Suffering from truth decay? Brush up on your Bible.
--------------------------------------...
Please Click here to say Hi to Jerry
There is a lot more.
17. Exercise daily -- walk with the Lord.
18. Never give the devil a ride -- he will always want to drive.
19. Nothing else ruins the truth like stretching it.
20. Compassion is difficult to give away because it keeps coming back.
21. He who angers you controls you.
22. Worry is the darkroom in which negatives can develop.
23. Give Satan an inch %26amp; he'll be a ruler.
24. Be ye fishers of men -- you catch them %26amp; He'll clean them.
25. God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.
26. Read the Bible -- It will scare the hell out of you.
Now take 60 seconds and give this a shot! Let's just see if Satan
stops this one. All you do is:
1. Simply say a small prayer for the person who sent you this, e.g.
LORD, God, bless this person in whatever it is that You know he
or she may be needing this day....)
2. Then forward to five relatives/friends. Within hours five people
would have prayed for you, and you would have caused a
multitude of people to pray to God for other people.
Then sit back and watch the power of God work in your life for doing the
thing that you know He loves.
What we do in life echoes in eternity.... May the Lord Bless You and May He answer all your prayers today and May the answers bring delight tou your heart.
I was just reading my quotes archive and found some funny one liners. I think those one liners worth a post so here they are.
"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy and the tallest guy in the National Basketball Association is Chinese."
-Chris Rock
"A guy know's he's in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days."
-Tim Allen
"A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished."
-Zsa Zsa Gabor
"I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places."
-Henny Youngman
"You know why fish are so thin? They eat fish."
-Jerry Seinfeld
"A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it."
-Bob Hope
"I don't consider myself bald. I'm simply taller than my hair."
-Thom Sharp
"This is a strange country we live in. When it comes to electing a president, we get two choices. But when we have to select a Miss America, we get 50."
-Jay Leno
"I figure you have the same chance of winning lottery whether you play or not."
-Fran Lebowitz
"Give a man a fish and he has food for a day; teach him how to fish and you can get rid of him for the entire weekend."
-Zenna Schaffer
"It's not that I'm afraid to die; I just don't want to be there when it happens."
-Woddy Allen
"I have my standards. They may be low, but I have them."
-Bette Midler
"I've been on a calender, but I've never been on time."
-Marilyn Monroe
"If God meant us to be naked, he would have made our skin fit better."
-Maureen Murphy
"It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it."
-Sam Levenson
"If winning isn't everything why do they keep score?"
-Vince Lombardi
Guys, thank you for visiting my blog. Apparently, some people think that above one liners are not funny. I think they are funny, clean and witty. That's why I posted them on my blog. And I am sure there aren't any misquote. Anyway, thanks for visiting and leaving comments. :) Maybe Rodney Dangerfield can make funnier one liners. Read on.
Rodney Dangerfield 1 Liners
I know what day of the week you were born. I was so poor growing up. If I wasn't born a boy, I'd have nothing to play with.
A girl phoned me the other day and said "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.
During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
One day as I came home early from work, I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He said, "Because you came home early."
It's been a rough day. I got up this morning, put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.
I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.
I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
I was such an ugly baby. My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.
I'm so ugly. My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
When I was born, the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father, I'm very sorry. We did everything we could. But he pulled through.
I'm so ugly. My mother had morning sickness, AFTER I was born.
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them? He said, "I don't know kid. There are so many places they can hide."
My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
I'm so ugly. I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get.
I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror, I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" He said "I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."
Bookmark to Del.icio.us | Posted by Wai Pyo |
Funny Videos @ Best of Internet Humor
89 comments:
Anonymous at November 25, 2005 5:10 PM
yawn
Anonymous at November 25, 2005 5:44 PM
totally. yawn again.
AsiaPrime at November 25, 2005 5:47 PM
should've been more like some funny one liners... I've heard funnier... in no particular order here are some of my favs...
now kids daddy only drank so the statue of liberty would take her clothes off
I may be dirty and smelly... but in the dark... I'm just smelly
there's nothing wrong w/ G rated movies... as long as there's lots of sex and violence
oh wow... it's like that drung trip I saw in that movie when I was on that drug trip
when I go into a bar I don't go strait for the 10... I go for the 6 and drink till she's an 8
show me a man who hasn't said **** and I'll show U a man that's full of ****
the best way to **** a sheep is over a cliff cuz when they look down they go backwards
Anonymous at November 25, 2005 6:50 PM
i liked em. its oh so easy to go for fart jokes, CLEAN AND WITTY!!!!
Anonymous at November 25, 2005 7:33 PM
i liked em too. they're a lot more clever than asiaprimes jokes.
Anonymous at November 25, 2005 9:58 PM
People are like a slinky, useless most of the time but guaranteed to raise a smile when you push them down the stairs.
Anonymous at November 25, 2005 10:10 PM
asiaprime:
A lot of Simpsons and Futurama quotes in there. Lot of misquotes at that also.
Anonymous at November 25, 2005 10:45 PM
I liked most of them. Wittier than most. Tnx
Anonymous at November 25, 2005 11:42 PM
How lame.
And some of them are nothing more than ripped off versions.
Like that "teach a man how to fish" one. That's an old Chinese proverb, only slightly altered.
Bleh.
Shindig at November 26, 2005 12:10 AM
^^ He clearly didn't read the quote.
And AsiaPrime is clearly a moron.
Gabriel at November 26, 2005 1:34 AM
Funny how some people can only tear others down to try and make themselves look bigger. Couldn't help but notice that "Anonymous.... not brave enough to even have a made-up-name..." didn't attempt to make us laugh with what he/she...or maybe a he-she...would consider a funny joke. Nope, just a straight forward assassination. And just when you thought the world would run out of assholes...another one pops up.
I wish these negative MF's would just crawl back into wherever and do whatever.
Tcane at November 26, 2005 3:07 AM
this thread sucks...what about the ultimate all time king of one liners...mitch hedberg?
"i had a parrot once, and he could talk, but he couldn't say i'm hungry, so he died."
"every book is a children's book if the kid can read."
"my fake plants died because i didn't pretend to water them."
"i have no problem not listening to the temptations which is weird."
"do you think when the guy came up with the idea to invent a bong, a blacklight popped up over his head?"
"i like the fed ex guy because he's a drug dealer and he doesn't even know it."
"i went to a doctor, all he did was suck blood from my neck. don't go see dr. acula"
"i got a ant farm, them fellas didn't grow ****."
"i was gonna have my teeth whitenned but then i said, '**** that i'll just get a tan instead.'"
AsiaPrime at November 26, 2005 4:02 AM
I never said that the quotes were bad... I had a few laughs... just the title should've been reworked to funny quotes that he/she liked... as for the misquotes... I play the movie and type them... if I miss anything, I'd go back to catch it... and then I double check... so no misquotes... unless my hearing problem kicked in... the only thing that's ENTIRELY wrong is the punctuation... I do a bit of creative re-working w/ those... as for being a moron... that's prolly true... we all have our blonde moments... at least I'm not afraid to put a name...
actually only one was from futurama/simpsons not as big of a futurama fan as U think eh???
quotes are from... (character name, show/movie)
peter griffen, family guy
homeless guy, 8 crazy nights
elvira, elvira mistress of the dark
fry, futurama
ken titus, titus
mays gilliam, head of state
a guy that lived in my building
Anonymous at November 26, 2005 4:07 AM
Hypocritical post award of the day goes to...::drum roll::...Gabriel! Your post is just as worthless as the rest of the "complaint" posts. And did it ever occur to you that the "Anonymous" posters could possibly be more than one person? Or does your brain not allow intelligent thought?
Anyway, a couple of the quotes were amusing, but none were laugh-out-loud, nor could they be considered "funniest" by any stretch of the imagination.
buraku at November 26, 2005 6:27 AM
I like Hedberg's one-liners too. Here are some more:
I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.
I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.
I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs.
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
I hate flossing, I wish I just had one long curvy tooth.
It's very dangerous to wave to people you don't know because what if they don't have hands, then they'll think you're cocky.
SpadeZ at November 26, 2005 7:07 AM
Things dont have to crack your funny bone in half and get you on the floor in tears to be funny. Even a smile on a face or inside yourself is enough =).
Tcane at November 26, 2005 7:28 AM
spadez is very right, a lot of the time when i'm at home watching scream, i don't laugh, because i hate my wife, but when i'm at my mistress' house i laugh like hell. funny movie.
Anonymous at November 26, 2005 1:32 PM
I love those Dangerfield ones. I laughed out loud at a few of those xD
kohan69 at November 26, 2005 3:18 PM
I enjoyed them all.
Thanks for the post up :)
Aquaman at November 26, 2005 5:16 PM
I enjoyed the one liners some made me laugh others made me stare more at the monitor.
Anonymous at November 26, 2005 8:32 PM
freeipod.headplug.com
Anonymous at November 27, 2005 5:13 AM
Awesome jokes.
Anonymous at November 27, 2005 7:56 AM
Great read, all but the knitpicking and whining ;]
Anonymous at November 27, 2005 8:37 AM
The oneliners were good. The idiots fighting over who is funny, who isn't and whether or not the jokes were funny -- just as entertaining. Thanks for making me smile, you buncha diminutive brained tools!
Tcane at November 27, 2005 1:06 PM
anonymus, stfu
save it for the cosby show or cheers or wtf ever you're on on nick-@-nite
Tcane at November 27, 2005 1:18 PM
family matters that's what i was looking for
man you piece of ****.
TJ at November 27, 2005 11:32 PM
thanks for the lines, good for a laugh. btw all you ***** complainin, your only angry cause the closest you've ever get to sex is when you sit on mommys lap. so what if those lines arent the best ever, they're jokes just like your poor existence
Anonymous at November 28, 2005 12:10 AM
Best one-liner ever:
"Arguing on the Internet is like competing in the Special Olympics, even if you win, you're still a retard."
Anonymous at November 28, 2005 1:23 AM
Ah, those are good!
Thanks!
Anonymous at November 28, 2005 2:13 AM
"Arguing on the Internet is like competing in the Special Olympics, even if you win, you're still a retard." thats good but the rest - either from an American or a German....crap!
Anonymous at November 28, 2005 2:55 AM
Oy! Figured that some real kick *** one liners are posted here, and I'll put my two favorites up here. And love the Mitch Headburg(R.I.P) Lines.
I get no respect. Once i went to my proctologist, and the guy stuck his finger in my mouth!
- Dangerfield
I love club sandwiches, but I never joined the club. I don't know how I keep getting away with it.
- Mitch Headburg
This isn't really a one liner so to speak, but i read this while on the can in a US or People mag or some other crap. Made me laugh and then disgusted almost at the same time. This is Paula Abduls Publicist talking about a confrontation Paula had with some punk (i can't remember the article, but it was lame)
It's like she was drinking diva juice - Some Random Douche Bag
Anonymous at November 28, 2005 10:04 AM
here you guys are ******* whining over whats funny and whos an idiot. you should all die you goddamn chimps
Anonymous at November 28, 2005 10:54 AM
I asked my mommy, why is daddy hunchedback? Mommy says, because daddy has a dick long enough he can suck it himself.
I say ok now I understand. Then I say mommy? Why are you hunchedback also?
Mommy replied: Because mommy has a big dick to.
ebrius_Cantus@yahoo.com
Funny **** at November 28, 2005 11:02 AM
Those of you that have a stiff personality, suck ****. It's your problem.
For the rest of us that found it amusing however little, Keep posting more one liners...
:-)
Anonymous at November 28, 2005 11:45 AM
Keep posting mate,
good jokes
Anonymous at November 28, 2005 11:48 AM
I asked my girlfriend what she wanted for her birthday, she said surprise me. So i called her from morocco.
****** R DUM I THNK SEW at November 28, 2005 1:24 PM
**** DAT *****
bravefart at November 28, 2005 4:55 PM
Most of the Liners are plagiarised Chris Rock One Liner I read it in readers digest like 5 years back ; rather many of them had featured in some magazine or other.
plus the people who think colour of the skin makes a difference with your brain or IQ are stupidest one whatever your skin color be black; white; brown; yellow or whatever color you have or you think you have. Plus get a life and automatically your humor and IQ increases; so please go ahead and get it rather wasting your time in futile attempts and "vagueries of perception".
Peace V
Anonymous at November 28, 2005 7:24 PM
Asian Prime..
I'm sorry those have to be the lamest ones I've heard! Half of them make no sense, and seem to be aimed towards kids, that'll laugh when an audience laughs. I like the poster's ones, they are just fine.
Anonymous at November 28, 2005 11:07 PM
To be honest all the dangerfield quotes whoop the *** off every "your quotes are ****" replies filled with other lame attempts. You guys whine too much, ******* shut up and laugh. Or go get run over.
Krobon at November 28, 2005 11:45 PM
Well, i guess these aren't one liners, but more like most nerdy pick up lines, me and a friend thought em up, enjoy.
"Maybe tonight your ip adress will be simillar to mine"
"I am a gm you know"
"If you sleep with me il get you a level up"
"Your computer or mine?"
"Wanna exchange workgroups?"
"Wanna come to my server and party?"
"So, want me to hack you tonight?"
"My computer crashed, can i use yours?"
"I don't remember you being in my friend list"
"Can i have your addy?"
"Hey, i have a webcam"
"What's your subnet masker"
"By the look in your eyes i can tell your core frequency matches mine"
"Want me to give you service pack 2?"
"Do you come with a manual or should i make you one?"
"Want me to put my hard disk on your ide cable?"
"Why don't you come over and let me plug in my network cable"
"I just got an upgrade wink.gif"
"Wanna benchmark me"
"HEY!... didn't I see you on E-bay?"
"Got any virusses I can delete?"
"You and I.... we.... we are ... compatible!"
Anonymous at November 29, 2005 1:51 AM
~~~:::Krobon:::~~~
Damn hahahahh....,
Your Jokes are the Best Man...,
Aint laughed so much in years...
And as an IT expert the BEST, never really though you can flirt with a girl using Computer Jargonzzz...lol luv man...
keep it up!!!
Anonymous at November 29, 2005 6:08 AM
I think Gabriel was pritty good joke for some reason. His complaint did not sound too bad either
The jokes, only the first one's where kinda funny, the rest of then sucked, or thay where just stupid common sence ...
Peace
Anonymous at November 29, 2005 7:06 AM
I have to say, Krobon KICKS ***!!!! Those pick-up lines were some funny ****. Keep it up!
Terex at November 29, 2005 7:11 AM
I have to agree with Tcane. Mitch Hedburg owns.
R.I.P.
Anonymous at November 29, 2005 7:46 AM
You guys are idiots and have no sense of humor, those one liners are great, keep em up.
Anonymous at November 29, 2005 8:24 AM
Mitch Hedburg was one of the best comedians. A few of my favorites from him:
"I know alot about cars. I can look at a cars headlights and tell you exactly which way its comin'"
"I used to do drugs. I still do but I used to, too."
Krobon at November 29, 2005 9:24 AM
I don't know, heres a few i like.
"Damn man, what crawled up your *** and died?"
"Have no fear, for i, Rectum the flatulent is here!"
"If you gave me a dime for every time you said that, i'd have one dime now!"
"People always tell me i can't see past my nose, so i got some surgery."
"I hit a car once, it hit back"
oooohhhhhhh i have another one btw, NERDY REJECTIONS!
"Firewall!"
"You have just been timed out."
"Hahahahahahaha, your so funny.... BAN"
"Sorry, your power supply just can't support me"
"You're so outdated."
"Sorry i don't date virusses"
"Damn, your hard disk seems to have gone limp"
"Sorry, i just put you on mute."
"Damn chatterbox, you talk like your 7.1 surround"
Wes at November 29, 2005 10:29 AM
I've got a really funny one for you...
"And just when you thought the world would run out of assholes...another one pops up. I wish these negative MF's would just crawl back into wherever and do whatever."
- Blogger "Gabriel"
What an ironic statement, Gabriel!
Anonymous at November 29, 2005 6:39 PM
"I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it."
Opja at November 30, 2005 2:32 AM
Two words, people: Steven Wright.
http://www.notso.com/wright.htm
Anonymous at November 30, 2005 5:29 AM
"I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it."
HAHAHAHa...loved it....wasn't gonna post anything till I read this....summed up this entire blog....
Anonymous at November 30, 2005 5:40 AM
funny?
this is all just ****!
go back to your pie in the face you stupid americans!
wankers!
Jessica Bridges at November 30, 2005 7:36 AM
you all are ******* idiots. none of you are funny at all. jesus ******* christ. go die now.
Anonymous at November 30, 2005 8:43 AM
Opja had the right idea. thats where my mind goes when i think one-liners: steven wright. classic brilliance.
Anonymous at November 30, 2005 9:06 AM
TCane - Oh, I am sorry. I guess I was speaking in "big words" and you don't know what diminutive means. Well let me sum it up in a "one-liner" (probably the reason you're on this post in the first place since one liners are all you can comprehend) -- diminutive: (di-min'-u-tive) Something smaller than the regular size; on a smaller scale. Or if that is still complex look in your pants and that will sum it all up.
Anonymous at November 30, 2005 10:18 AM
Ok, all ****.... but this made me laff...
"9. Anonymous at November 25, 2005 11:42 PM
How lame.
And some of them are nothing more than ripped off versions.
Like that "teach a man how to fish" one. That's an old Chinese proverb, only slightly altered.
Bleh..............."
****** Mong, jebus said that ya silly turd
Anonymous at November 30, 2005 11:59 AM
jebus
oh man. i don't know why that always makes me laugh so hard.
-xillentz at November 30, 2005 1:07 PM
they weren't extremely funny but some of them were interesting to read =]
Anonymous at November 30, 2005 3:35 PM
I'd like to see things from your perspective but i just can't get my head that far up my ***..
can't remember who said that but it was funny
Anonymous at November 30, 2005 3:57 PM
wow.
I've never seen so many people fighting about such asinine crap. all of you people flaming each other are retards. It's just the internet. It's not a big deal....really. Oh, also to the people who are going to call me a hypocrite, go **** yourself. Why don't we argue about who is the biggest douche? That sounds like great idea. ****** idiots
Oh yeah and if you took me seriously than you really are stupid. Later *******
Anonymous at November 30, 2005 5:37 PM
Well... Where to begin... You are all like the ultimate collective Simon Cowell on International Comedy Idol. I'm a guy who loves funniness. It's very odd to see such bitterness over what may or may not be funny.
I too am a broken hearted Mitch Hedberg fan. Please... if you haven't seen or heard him it's worth some of your time to do so. You really have to hear his stuff from the horse鈥檚 mouth to fully appreciate it.
Here鈥檚 a favorite bit: (again, funnier when you hear him say it)
My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said no, but I鈥檇 like a regular banana later, so YEAHHHH!
Anyhow 鈥lease gang 鈥ighten up!
Chris at November 30, 2005 11:36 PM
Nice set of one-liners :)
My personal favorite comedian and part-time legend is Bill Hicks. If you haven't you should definitely give him a look-see :)
Ignore the teenagers looking for attention with their negative comments - the internet is becoming a very dire place because of them. I remember the early days and how useful it used to be -sigh-
Anonymous at December 01, 2005 4:55 AM
Too Lazy to Get An Account
I had no idea Rodney Dangerfield was so funny....I'm not a huge fan of what I've seen before, but maybe it's just his style of delivery that doesn't quite appeal to me...but his material is great....really made me laugh to my surprise. And yeah Mitch Hedburg....man that guy cracks me up so hard...haha rest in peace bud.
GWBush_Sucks_BALLS! at December 01, 2005 6:36 AM
Krobon VERY good work!
BTW, Mr. Anonymous... You call americans STUPID but you use the gayest word ever... WANKERS!
lol.... wankers... LOL... your a tool!
Anonymous at December 01, 2005 8:00 AM
this was great..the people leaving thier feelings for everyone to see..or at least leaving them for laughs..made me feel better
Anonymous at December 01, 2005 9:39 AM
"I don't know what your problem is but I bet it's hard to pronounce."
"And I thought low speed car chases were boring."
Anonymous at December 01, 2005 4:06 PM
a few of them were funny.. thanx
Anonymous at December 02, 2005 12:11 AM
I'll second Opja's vote for Steven Wright as the funniest one line commedian ever.
BTW, here's another lamo joke to add to the pluralistic ignorance here:
Q: What did O.J. type in his last chat session?
ANS: Slash slash backslash escape.
Anonymous at December 02, 2005 2:52 AM
LoL wankers america ROCKS
Anonymous at December 02, 2005 2:57 AM
all i have to say is that the oneliners were ok they put a smile on my face and to all you people talling **** get a life, your all a bunch of *** PIRATES AND *** DUMPSTERS
Anonymous at December 02, 2005 7:24 AM
I'm not a vegetarian because i love animals, I'm a vegetarian because i hate plants
Anonymous at December 02, 2005 9:35 AM
OK this wasnt too bad some were pretty interesting and by the way i heard a lot of negativity on how some of them were crap, if you rreally think they were crap why dont you post something that is funny to you....Idiots
-D
HumGaChon at December 02, 2005 12:12 PM
I lost my erection reading these posts... those 1liners were funny.
Anyone want to take a bubble bath with me? I scrub your back you scrub mine and then we can go have a beer and talk about football! Who wants to be the wide receiver and who wants to be the tight end?
HumGaChon at December 02, 2005 12:14 PM
In my college there were three indian friends, Abub, Ateet and Atool.
Anonymous at December 02, 2005 12:48 PM
I know funny, and other then the original posts, this aint funny, infact alot of this is just plain stupid, MR anonymouse #9. first of all that was jesus who said that, second of all, thats whats funny, the alteration on a known phrase, eesh,Mr anonymous#70, no, america does not rock, it sucks balls, repeatedly, then swallows, and asks for it up the ***. Funny thing about america... they got china to build all their weapons, and now they;re complaining that the chinese stole the designs...lol ******* idiots, why would you outsource your military? i mean, may aswell show them the weakspots with big red targets on your tanks and boats, and hey, its the chinese, they are a smart bunch of ppl, all the mistakes america made on the designs, the chinese will spot and fix, so, improved american war machines+largest population=new world super power. by the way, im not chinese, I AM CANADIAN, and before you american ditzes say anything remember this, when you guys tried to invade us, we kicked your asses, on D-day(incase ure dumb and dont know what that is, its the beginning of the end of WW2) Only Canadian troops accomplished their missions, all other divisions took longer then the original plans, also your nukes use our uranium and our scientists made all the important decisions, also, without our robotics skills, your space program would be as successful as china's and lets see... oh yeah, we invented basket ball! need i continue... sure, why not, most of the shows you watch on TV, they got Canadian Directors or Producers... and last but not least, america is gonna fall within the next ten years to invading armies, lol you guys just keep on attacking ppl that did nothing to you, and the rest of the world's gonna get a tad bit pissed. britan and germany, i got nothing against you... well i dont like britan's royal family, but they dont do anything important anyways(hint:stay away from the americans, they are idiots)
ok all peace out!...notice i never said "aye" or "aboot" lol... stupid stereotypes u americans got arent even true :P
Anonymous at December 02, 2005 1:19 PM
Ok, maybe i exagerated abit, the germans also helped with the nukes
and your space program wouldnt be as bad as china's but there would be no CANADARM(that thing they use to fix and build the space stations) which is pretty important for the advancment of space travel, and one question, why does any country need enough nukes to destroy the world eleven times over? man, talk about a waste in money, what ever happened to the good old days, when you would just go and fire bomb an entirely civilian city? sigh... i have so much against america, man, i wish sum1 would get bush out of power, i mean you empeach(probably spelt wrong but oh well) one president for lieing about sleeping with a woman, but you support the other one who lies about the reason he got over a thousand american soldiers, and many more innocent iraqi civilians, and the occasional POW that was just rescued, and a bunch of allied troops killed.
man, america really is that guy who comes to a party uninvited, and doesnt understand that no1 wants him there... lol operation "iraqi freedom" MY ***... more like opperation "oil grab"...sigh... btw, i dont mind smart americans, like john stewart or bill maher, its the idiots who think that canada is always under snow who actually come in summer time with skis on their car, or the americans who believe that gays are bad(im not gay btw) or that god is the only way and that evolution is the devils work... or that all countries need your repressed views of freedom... funny thing, the only thing that america changed in iraq, is that now the innocent ppl there no longer know who's gonna kill them, before, if sum1 was killed it was because they spoke against sadam, and every1 knew sadam killed them, nowadays, ppl die either by insurgents, rebels or americans, and most iraqi's still dont have electricity, thanks to the effective american bombing hehehe... i wanna see what ppl have to say about this... im sure a bunch of americans are gonna be pissed, but oh well tough luck, c'est la vie(thats french btw) lol see yeah all
Krobon at December 02, 2005 10:59 PM
Well as far as i've read you make some good points, but you might want to further study in to what happened in iraw, ok i admit i am not an american fan and by far am i a fan of bush, i myself am from the netherlands and yes america has some issues they seriously need to sort out, but look at it differently, do you even know how many people died when sadam was ruling? he called himself the messiah and whatnot, he was clearly insane and that's something more dangerous then an idiot that's being controlled by a group of bureaucratic assholes, simply because a lot more people died when saddam was at power then now that america is occupying it, and that's the truth, now i do see where your comments come from, but you need to take a look from both sides to understand the situation and next to that, it's no humans right to judge in my oppinion (And no i don't believe in god), all and all, the people of iraw are better off now then they were before. And as for the rebels and such, well that's simply because it's an unorganized waste of a land, it was like that before, but it was controlled by an insane dictator, you decide what really is better, all and all and as harsh as it seems, i don't think it's the problem of anyone outside america or iraq.
Anonymous at December 03, 2005 7:18 AM
well, it was good that sadam was removed from power, but bush isnt really any better...
Anonymous at December 08, 2005 12:50 PM
GO NEW ZEALAND !!!!!!!
Anonymous at December 08, 2005 12:53 PM
GO ONE LINERS
YAY
EVERYONES CRAZY
GO THE FUNNY PPL
BECOME A CHRSITIAN
IT WILL ANSWER ALL UR QUESTIONS
Anonymous at December 15, 2005 12:19 AM
WOW, i didnt c tht coming, a humor blog becoming a america/bush slagging match teehee ******* AMERICAN SCUM
Anonymous at December 16, 2005 10:27 AM
Canada? oh yea, up north.... forgot they were there
Anonymous at December 16, 2005 7:30 PM
haha america = teh suck
Anonymous at December 31, 2005 10:20 AM
I hate bologna
nvibe at January 10, 2006 7:16 AM
i realy enjoyed the first person' qoutes...may GOD bless all of you and have a wonderful and safe 2006 and may you grow in GOD one love
Anonymous at June 12, 2006 8:59 AM
Okay what happend too the one liners. Have they transformed into a list of complaints. Come on. Why do Candains hate Americans? Why do Iraqies think they won the war? The most important questtion is WHO STAYS UP AT MIDNIGHT WRIGHTING COMPALINTS ABOUT OTHER NATIONS THAT CAN KICK THIER ***!
See ya.
Anonymous at July 11, 2006 8:13 AM
You know what the funniest thing about this stupid blog is? The fact that people have been arguing and complaining since NOVEMBER OF 2005!!! Thats 8 bloody months guys! LOL
But I do have to say.. I went into Google and typed in "Funniest EVER one liners" Very disappointed when this page come up!
Danoz
Anonymous at July 21, 2006 7:35 PM
Loving the site, though I wish people would stop posting bitchy comments. If you dont like it here there's always bebo. Anyway, here are a own couple of one liners i invented myself, ive used them so many times there practically public domain at this stage. Feel free to use them!
"Am I saying the guy's a crook? I'm saying he's got more rackets going than an octopus playing tennis".
"He has a record longer than the complete works of Mozart".
"Watching her undress was like peeling an onion. The more layers that came off, the more my eyes watered".
"I think my girlfriend doesn't like me anymore. At a party last night she said someone wants me the other side of the room. I said "Who?" She said "Me."
Funny one-liners? More more more .......plz
Funny one-liners? Yah, you do have some funny ones here.
Thanks for sharing.
Funny one-liners? Guddie....free points!!
Funny one-liners? he he he
Funny one-liners? lovely
Funny one-liners? Thanks for the laugh. That is exactly what we need more of is humor. Thank you for making me smile.
Funny one-liners? Great question. If I could vote on questions yours would be number 1!
Funny one-liners? LOL.
Funny one-liners? u know whats even funnier? sum1 took a **** in the urinal
